Present

I’m currently curled up on the sofa in my pjs.  This, my friends, is how to start the new year – tippy-toed and cautious…   allowing 2012 to  lap gently round the ankles before  making any sudden movements or Future Commitments.

Like birthdays or other milestones, New Year can be both under and overwhelming.

Open the papers and life is telescoped into a series of soundbites.  The year’s gone by and it feels momentous – and like nothing at all.

I don’t spend a lot of time in the present.  l look back and I look forward, but I rarely stand still. That’s deliberate.  Stillness and silence is scary.  Who knows what they’ll reveal? No thank-you, I’ll just keep beavering away at my busy stuff instead. Much safer.

Except of course, that it’s not.  Whether dating, drinking, slimming, running, working, smoking, snogging, cramming, performing, cutting, puking… none of the busy driven stuff chases away the silence.  At best, it delays it.  At worse, it extends it. The questions you have – about your life, yourself, God, death and the things that actually matter – don’t ever go away.  You can crush ’em or drown ’em or starve ’em but they’re still there.  And here’s the thing: is that what I want my life to amount to? Running?  Is the stillness really that bad?