Good Coach, Bad Coach

Our thoughts are powerful.  They change our behaviours and they change our realities too. For example:

I believe myself to be boring or unattractive.

When I meet people, I remind myself of this.

I imagine that they are judging me: that they think I’m stupid or worthless or ugly.

My body language reflects my feelings.  I try to cover myself up.  I don’t make eye-contact.  I mumble. I try to hide and escape.

Other people see me hiding and quivering.  They pick up on my awkwardness and they act awkward too.

This reinforces how ugly I feel, so I behave even more oddly. Other people start avoiding me or treating me strangely.

My fears become a reality.

Whether we’re aware of it or not, every day we’re coaching ourselves.  We’re telling ourselves truth or lies about

– who we are

– what we’re worth

– what we can and can’t do

– where we’re going

– how we’re feeling.


There are two kinds of coaches: good ones and bad ones.

A good coach :

can see the bigger picture.

is objective, but caring.

sets clear and achievable goals – then breaks them down into bite-sized chunks and helps you reach them

cheers you on and has hope for you even when you don’t have it for yourself

doesn’t give up

is consistent

sees your potential and reminds you of it.


A bad coach:

set unachievable goals and tells you to get there instantly and by yourself

makes you feel guilty, puts you down and compares you negatively to others

expects perfection

looks for the negative and never gives you praise

undermines, criticises and mocks you


So here’s the question: what kind of coach are you?

what lies are you believing about yourself?

what are your goals?


Now.  Think of Jesus.  What does He say to you? How does this compare?

And if you listen to His voice, what difference does this make?


2 thoughts on “Good Coach, Bad Coach

  1. Ah, Emma, awesome reminder – thanks! I have exams in a couple of weeks and always find revision brings out the ‘bad coach’ part of my brain. Which is ridiculous, because it doesn’t even make me work better! I just get sad and scared and everything becomes a massive chore instead….

    Thanks for the reminder that the antithesis of ‘bad coach’ is not ‘lax coach’ who says ‘do what you want’ and lets you be lazy. I’m often driven into the arms of ‘bad coach’ because I think that without him I won’t do anything at all. Not so! Good coach *encourages* me into working to my full potential, rather than beating me with a big stick :)

  2. Absolutely – guilt and sticks might occasionally change our behaviours, but they harden our hearts. Grace is challenging, but it’s loving too.

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