Today has been spent fighting old voices. Voices I hadn’t listened to in a while.
You’re useless. You’re ugly. You’re a fraud.
Voices I thought I’d silenced.
You don’t belong in church.
Voices that keep me hidden in the darkness.
You’re making a fool of yourself.
Voices that tell me to lie and hide and give up and turn inwards.
You’re weak and you’re rubbish and you’re not even a Christian because a real Christian wouldn’t struggle like you.
A real Christian wouldn’t feel frightened of people and new situations and changes in routine and losing control and not having enough and having too much and being a burden and not helping and needing, needing, needing to be carried all the time in even the tiniest things.
…
But these voices aren’t from the Spirit.
The Spirit challenges, but He doesn’t condemn.
These voices smell of smoke.
Though they say different things, we all hear them
They try to shame us and separate us from God and others.
…
But here’s the thing.
They’re screaming so loud because they know their time is short.
They’ve been defeated.
They have no power.
We don’t have to listen to them. One day soon, they’ll be completely silenced. But for today, there’s another voice, quieter, but stronger than the rest:
‘I love you. I will never leave you. There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus’.
You caught me there – I am struggling with eating too much at the moment, almost as though I am deprived and must grab every calorie and stuff it down my neck as fast as possible while feeling guilt with every bite. Your timely reminder makes me turn back to my heavenly Dad, who I try to avoid when feeling bingey, and invite him into this area of my life too. No shame, no condemnation, unconditional love – how often I need to be reminded. Thank you for sharing – and reminding me xxx
Thank you Emma. I thought those voices had been silenced ..even a bit but oh no, they are as loud and strong as ever…..so so so frustrating. Thank you for your reminders. Xxx
Thank you, Emma. Your honest words helps me to realise I am not on my own in the fight with dark thoughts. There is so much treasure in you, Emma. Never give up.
Nadine – thanks for sharing your struggle: it has helped me so much to remember I’m not alone.
Hi Laura – yes it’s so frustrating when you think they’ve gone and they pop back! But in His grace, it’s a way of remembering my dependence on Him – and that’s a gift, even though it’s painful.
Kinga – that’s so kind. Thanks. x
Hi Emma, an amazing eye opener of a book. I began changing my eating habits at the age of 14, but it didn’t appear to become ‘out of control’ until I was 17. Now aged 21 I weigh less than I did then, although I feel things are a bit more stable. You have given me hope that I can recover fully as long as I pray and trust in Jesus. Thanks x
Claire – for some reason my original reply to you hasn’t come up: sorry about that! Thanks for encouraging me: Jesus is more beautiful than even our addictions and He can bring us through. Praying for you x
Thank you Emma. It means a lot x