Managing The Missus

Two guys overheard in a coffee shop:

A: Mate, you can’t let her treat you like that.  Serious. Two nights in a row she’s been out with her friends, but if that was you, she’d go ballistic.  Tell me I’m wrong’

B:’Yeah. Maybe’

A:’See? Mind games.’

B:’Right’

A:You have to take control, but (lowers voice):  let her think she’s in charge’

B: ‘Right’.

A: ‘Otherwise they go mental’.

B: ‘Yeah’.

A: ‘Next thing you know she’ll be facebooking her ex’

B: (looks at shoes)

A:’ She’s not. She’s NOT!  Mate.’

B:’They’ve got the same friends.  They don’t talk direct’

A: ‘How do you know?’

B:’She said.’

A:’And you believed her?’

B: ‘Yeah.  Don’t point the spoon’.

(Pause). ‘Why would she lie?’

A: (hissing) ‘But they do.  They all do. That and the crying.’

B: ‘She doesn’t cry a lot.  Only at sad things.  (Thinks for a minute). And when she’s really happy’.

A:’ If I were you, I’d check her computer. Get a pen camera. Or hire a jamtrap. See if she’s cheating’

B:’It’s not jam.’

A:’What?’

B:’It’s honey.  Honey trap.  And they’re for men who cheat, not women’

A:’Mate, they got all sorts.  I saw it on a programme.  The bloke bugged his wife’s car and she was shagging his friend.  (Shakes head). Big money too – I could do it.’

B: ‘She wouldn’t cheat on me. And anyway she knows you’

A: (Thinks for a minute) ‘I’d be in disguise’.

B:’No.  No’

A: ‘I’ve got a hat and I could do the voice’

B: ‘What voice? – No.’

A: ‘I could totally do it’.

B:(picking up coat)’No. No.’

A: (following him out)  ‘Just saying’