Dealing with Difficult Folks*
Some People are like duvets. Soft and inviting and warm and easy.
Others are wrapped in barbed-wire and electric-fencing. You try to cut it, but it cuts you. You make contact and are blown backwards. The voltage of their anger. Their pain. The isolation that says ‘Keep Off’.
For years I clawed at those who tried to come close. I ran from relationships and fought – tooth and fork – to defend my space. My fears. My mess. My eating disorder. My solution.
‘I’m fine’, I spat. ‘Leave me alone’.
But I wasn’t fine. I was lonely and I was scared.
To hide the fear I built a wall. I bricked myself in and waited for the others to leave.
Some did. After all, I did all I could to push them away.
But some – stayed. I couldn’t see them, but I could hear them, chipping away from the outside. Praying for me. Inviting me to come out. Reminding me that there were others who had made the break.
Prayers that penetrated the thickest defenses. Words that broke through the cracks and let in the light.
I didn’t listen. But still, I heard.
It’s hard to reach out, when you’re always pushed away.
Hard to keep arranging meetings, when you’re constantly stood up.
Hard to give advice that’s never taken or even heard.
Hard to keep listening, when the story doesn’t change.
Hard to expose your throat to someone with a knife.
Hard.
But life-changing too.
*folks like me
If I’m not coming across them, I am one of them. It’s true “Hard to keep listening, when the story doesn’t change.” I find a lotof people just give up and stop listening. It’s something we’re all guilty of
Also, sometimes you think you are hassling people or making things worse by trying to break through. It takes a certain amount of confidence in yourself as well as courage to stick by people
‘If I’m not coming across them, I am one of them’. Very true. Guess I need grace to be able to give it.
I agree Lesley. And I think there are times when we can push too hard. It takes prayer and discernment to know when to keep going and when to step back; but I’m praying that this and not fear or discomfort, will be my motivation. So much of the time I give up because I don’t want my approach to be rejected or I’m scared of saying the hard, but loving thing.