I know it feels like there’s too much of you – but there isn’t enough. Please – stop making yourself smaller. Not just for your sake. But for mine. You’re stealing yourself from others: people who are like you and who struggle with the same things. People who need to hear your story. People whose hopes shrink as you do too.
I’m not saying Jesus wants you for a sunbeam. Or that you should look for a hero within. When I did this, instead of a superhero, I discovered a frightened little girl. A hole instead of a person and a spaghetti of fear. Life is not a cartoon and people are screwed up. But guess what? Jesus already knows this. He’s seen your history, he’s seen your hard drive and He’s seen your heart. But He’s still here. You don’t have to redeem or crucify yourself to make it better. He has already done it for you.
The gospel is this: it’s ok to be you. I’m sorry you don’t feel it. But that doesn’t change the facts: you are already known and you are already loved. Jesus is not your absent father. He is not your controlling mother. He’s not the siblings who despise you or the partner who leaves you or the friends who betray you or the boss who bullies you. He is beautiful and He is powerful and He is trustworthy. He understands what it is to be broken. He is gentle with those who have been crushed. He doesn’t want your masks or your performances or your resolutions. He wants you.
You don’t need to know who you are before you step out of who you’ve been. When you let go of the things you cling to; the rules and the labels and the behaviours and the safety nets, there’s a period when you fall. It’s frightening and to be honest, sometimes you fall for a long time.
Nonetheless. Whatever you’ve said. Whatever you’ve done. Whatever you’ve thought. He will catch you. Underneath are the everlasting arms.