Allow Yourself To Be Caught

fallingI know it feels like there’s too much of you – but there isn’t enough.  Please – stop making yourself smaller. Not just for your sake.  But for mine. You’re stealing yourself from others: people who are like you and who struggle with the same things.  People who need to hear your story. People whose hopes shrink as you do too.

I’m not saying Jesus wants you for a sunbeam.  Or that you should look for a hero within.    When I did this, instead of a superhero, I discovered a frightened little girl.  A hole instead of a person and a spaghetti of fear.  Life is not a cartoon and people are screwed up.  But guess what? Jesus already knows this.  He’s seen your history, he’s seen your hard drive and He’s seen your heart.  But He’s still here.  You don’t have to redeem or crucify yourself to make it better. He has already done it for you.

The gospel is this: it’s ok to be you.   I’m sorry you don’t feel it.  But that doesn’t change the facts: you are already known and you are already loved. Jesus is not your absent father.  He is not your controlling mother.  He’s not the siblings who despise you or the partner who leaves you or the friends who betray you or the boss who bullies you. He is beautiful and He is powerful and He is trustworthy. He understands what it is to be broken. He is gentle with those who have been crushed. He doesn’t want your masks or your performances or your resolutions.  He wants you.

You don’t need to know who you are before you step out of who you’ve been.  When you let go of the things you cling to; the rules and the labels and the behaviours and the safety nets, there’s a period when you fall. It’s frightening and to be honest, sometimes you fall for a long time.

Nonetheless. Whatever you’ve said.  Whatever you’ve done. Whatever you’ve thought. He will catch you. Underneath are the everlasting arms.

8 thoughts on “Allow Yourself To Be Caught

  1. the 3rd to last paragraph describes my life. Also please can you explain the first sentence from kath xx

  2. Emma,

    This is such a great post. The line

    “You don’t need to know who you are before you step out of who you’ve been”

    really resinates with me. I spent a lot of time wrestling with “who I am” (I still haven’t reached the bottom of it, I may never). It fed a lot of despair feelings, and hopelessness of ever being able to change. But I had to “commit my works to the Lord” (repentance in this case) “and he would establish (my) thoughts.” I had it totally backwards. This was a serious stumbling block.

    You have a really great blog. I have been enjoying it vicariously for over a year. But I now feel like I may have something to share that could help others.

    Thank you for being real.

  3. Exactly. Daring to abandon loyalty to the fear-inducing e.d., in favour of a fear that actually…fills: an awesome and powerful love that is frightening only in its immensity and unlimited hope. It’s scary just because its so unfamiliar to all the world teaches us to know,expect,deserve,earn,compete for,guard. We are more. Thank you.xx

  4. Thank you Emma, I felt like this is really for me today. It is so good and helpful and hope-building in times of giving up.
    Thank you!

  5. Hi Kath – the first sentence is about the fact that so often with eating disorders, the person is trying to shrink their feelings and make themselves smaller because they feel like they’re too big: psychologically and physically. But part of the battle is recognising that it’s really ok to take up physical and emotional space: that instead of hiding and shrinking, we can move into the light and be unashamed. As Julie says ‘we are more’ – and that’s a good thing.

    Chris – your comments are already a great encouragement. Thanks.

    Lyra – keep going! It’s worth it.
    Julie and Alison: thanks

  6. You don’t have to redeem or crucify yourself to make it better. He has already done it for you.

    That’s so powerful. Amazing how rarely we remember it too.

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