All I Am Not

emptyboxI think in gaps.


Ask me who I am, and I’ll tell you who I’m not.

Not a leggy blonde and not a extrovert.

Not a daredevil and not a fan of aubergines.

Not a  domestic goddess and not a mother.

Not a knitter or a baker or a tablecloth folder.

Not edgy or folksy or rocky or blues.


Ask me what I’ve got and I’ll tell you what’s not there.

The empty spaces  and the missing pieces.  The crossing-outs and the marking downs. The if onlys and the couldabeens.

The backward glances and the clutching ahead.


I could call it pragmatism. But as a life philosophy, it stinks.

I could call it retrospective living.  But it feels like pre-emptive dying.

I could say it’s being realistic.  But you can’t build reality on a lie.


Remember, dear brothers and sisters, that few of you were wise in the world’s eyes or powerful or wealthy when God called you. Instead, God chose things the world considers foolish in order to shame those who think they are wise. And he chose things that are powerless to shame those who are powerful. God chose things despised by the world, things counted as nothing at all, and used them to bring to nothing what the world considers important. As a result, no one can ever boast in the presence of God.

God has united you with Christ Jesus. For our benefit God made him to be wisdom itself. Christ made us right with God; he made us pure and holy, and he freed us from sin. Therefore, as the Scriptures say, “If you want to boast, boast only about the Lord.”

1 Cor 1:26-31


Jesus is a God for nobodies.

I grasp at everything and He makes Himself nothing.  I try to climb higher and He meets me in the gutter.

I despise my “nots”. But Jesus says, “Embrace them.” And when I give Him my emptiness, He fills me with Himself.





3 thoughts on “All I Am Not

  1. ‘I think in gaps’ as well. You always turn your hope back to Jesus. He knows I need such encouragement. Press on Dear Emma.

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