1. If you don’t remove your make-up – every single day – your face will fall in. Forget stained pillows and dehydrated eyelashes. You’ll look ninety when you’re twenty-three. Men will spit at you in the street. And butterflies will die.
2. There are men who don’t moisturise. Gobsmacking, I know. Every day I thank Garnier for providing Glen with serum.
3. Naturally straight hair = unacceptable. Hair straightened by GHD = beautiful.
4. Back-stabbing, man-stealing, cat-binning best friends are actually the norm. The only way to avoid this threat is cut off contact with members of the same sex and sleep by your partner with a knife.
5. If you don’t have a partner you may as well be dead. Actually, no. If you’re married, that’s worse. GET OUT.
6. You’re raising your children wrong.
7. Having an affair actually improves your relationship.
8. Clothes are better than friends.
9. You’re unhappy because something in your face doesn’t look right.
10. Jennifer Aniston Is Still Breathing.