A New Name

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  1. Emma
    Oct 04 - 3:11 pm

    It’s all I can do not to cry at this.
    I’ve recovered from anorexia but the thought of what I put my family and friends through makes me feel so guilty but at the time you can’t what is happening. And if you can see it, you can’t do anything about it.
    Thank you Emma.

  2. Emma
    Oct 04 - 7:13 pm

    Hi Emma: I completely agree. This is a very hard read – but the brother’s line echoed something Glen said when I was at my worst: ‘I know you feel like you’re invisible, but you’re shouting so loud no-one else can be heard’.

    You’re right – it’s an addiction and when you’re in it, you can’t see what’s going on. One of the hardest things about recovery is when you can see it – the wreckage of your choices. It’s at these times that I cling to grace: the grace of Christ who nails our guilt to the cross and the grace of those who loved me though I tore them apart.

    Here’s a post I wrote on this topic: http://emmascrivener.fourkindsofchristmas.com/2013/03/clean-slate/#more

  3. Lauren
    Oct 04 - 7:22 pm

    Painful to read but it’s good to give families a voice. I agree with you Emma (above), I hate to think what I put my family through. Well done for recovering :) And recovery is the best gift to give to your family and friends as they would want to see you healthy and happy.
    Thank you for this post Emma S x

  4. Claire Kirby
    Oct 04 - 7:41 pm

    Very painful to read but thank you for reminding us that
    anorexia impacts on so many more people that the primary sufferer and the results can be devastating.

  5. Esther
    Oct 04 - 11:18 pm

    I can’t stop crying. How could I have done this to my family, my boyfriend? I’m still not fully recovered but have no idea how to even begin addressing this…I’ve been so selfish

  6. Emma
    Oct 05 - 1:49 pm

    Esther – I’ve done it too. And yes, eating disorders are selfish: as we both know, there’s no room for anything else. Sadly,everyone screws up. Maybe not like this – maybe not with an eating disorder – but all of us make mistakes. It’s right to grieve and it’s right to say sorry. But we’re not the past. We can’t pay for our own mistakes – and we can’t make it right. EDs say that we can make things better by ourselves. We can’t. They tell us that we’re guilty and shameful and lost. But this is only part of the truth. We’re also forgiven and redeemed and restored. We live by grace – all of us – not just those who struggle with food. And this means we can walk and not look back.

    Rom 6:4 For we died and were buried with Christ by baptism. And just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glorious power of the Father, now we also may live new lives.

    Glen wrote a great post on this here: http://emmascrivener.fourkindsofchristmas.com/2012/11/payitback/

  7. Anon
    Oct 07 - 8:31 pm

    Oh man. I – I actually have no words. I’ve been – I’m being – so bloody awful. Oh shit…

  8. S
    Oct 12 - 9:49 am

    Emma, thanks for this. I’ve been suffering for years, aware of the effect on my family but reading this really brings it to heart. It’s so hard when you know the effect it’s having on others but you’re still trapped. In God’s strength we can do anything but realising this in practice….

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