When I think of brave, I picture someone like Ellen MacArthur, circling the globe in her tiny boat. Or Ranulph Fiennes; ploughing through elephants and cutting off his own frost-bitten extremities. Brave is Bruce Willis in a stained string vest. It’s jumping in front of a truck to save a stranger. Brave is whoops, swirls and explosions. It’s obvious and it’s unmistakable. You got it – or you don’t. And sadly, I don’t.
I’d like to be brave. But I’m not. I’m scared – of almost everything. Relationships. Loneliness. Wasting my life. Opening letters. Taking risks. Letting others down. Making choices. Taking responsibility. Saying yes. Saying no. Commitment. Wasps.
I’ve got more questions than I have answers. I don’t have what it takes – for this evening or this morning or the very next hour. I’m not enough – for myself or the people I love. I let them down. I’m weak and overwhelmed and suddenly tired. I’m not brave – but I need to be. So I cry out again for help. And He meets me – again.
Those who live in the shelter of the Most High
will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
This I declare about the Lord:
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
He is my God, and I trust him.Psalm 91:1-2
Emma thank you so much for this. I am pretty un-brave too so a great reminder that I actually don’t need to be when I’m hiding in Him.
Wasps are indeed scary…especially in your attic. Right up there with going to Walmart and answering the phone.
Sometimes I feel pretty foolish praying for guidance to persevere to the end of the laundry pile, but this is where I am, and it does have to get done.
“…He alone is my refuge…” marvelous.
I feel like that, thank you for the words. I just wish I could do the last bit, the calling out and the knowing he’s there.
I love your posts Emma. (Tried to find you on twitter.)
I love the honesty and openness. So many blogs leave you feeling like you don’t measure up, rubbish and like I live on another planet. You seem to write about the bits others hide :) the bits that make me feel I’m not on my own :) And if there is one thing I am certainly not, it’s brave! Thanks for the helpful reminder that God literally hides us in His greatness. The almighty One who no one can touch! K x