The Total Nazarene Diet

bible boot campSummer’s here!  Your body may be Beach Ready, but is your soul Preach Ready?

Scared to strip off at small group?  Sick of comparing yourself to the worship leader?

Take Control and Fight the spiritual flab. It’s time to Take Back Your Temple – starting NOW.

Try our NEW 40-day plan: You’ve nothing to lose, but your sins!

Breakfast: Champions don’t just read their Bibles. They Do #Devotions, (now with 30% more Minor Prophets). Channel your spiritual qi by shouting “Jesus” “Preach it” each time you read His name.

NB: If you miss a morning, don’t beat yourself up.  Just have a triple portion next day.

Lunch: Don’t just pray. Pray SQUIRMM, (Sensory, Quizzical, Instinctual, Repetitational, Murmuring, Mellifluous). In clinical trials, SQUIRMM is proven to be twice as effective as our nearest competitor.

Dinner: Reread the spiritual classics – desert fathers, mystical mothers, and dark nights of the soul. Mix it up with our current bestsellers: Style Yourself Spiritual and Zumba Like Jesus.

Snacks: Choose from selection: Fasting/Tithing/Chanting/Meditation/Devotional Decoupage.


You could just go to Jesus.


5 thoughts on “The Total Nazarene Diet

  1. I’m neither beach ready not preach ready, apparently. Thanks for reminding me it doesn’t really matter – and for making me smile at the same time!

  2. You too Lizzi…

    Liz: I hear you. Is it possible to have a hairy soul?? And how would you wax?

  3. Just go to Jesus: Best words I’ve heard all day!
    And, as for “Is it possible to have a hairy soul?? And how would you wax?”
    –Only if it’s a “hairier than thou” soul. Then, you would “wax eloquently.” ;-)

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