Aaah Eurovision.  The colossus of television.  It’s not the same without Wogan and his hip flask, but we mustn’t grumble. Young Graeme does his best.

Here’s some predictive highlights;

Anyone dressed as a lumberjack, in head to toe leather or sporting a viking hat (with horns)

Interpretive dance (especially when metaphors are enacted literally.  Hearts breaking, chains falling off, lights coming on, backing dancers dropping to their knees)

Filler ‘lyrics’.  (‘Oooooh-wwoooo’, ‘shadwaddywaddy’, ‘shoodebopbop’)

More key changes than a locksmith


Hairy backs

Panpipes, tambourines, flags

Ireland will win but refuse to host due to ‘moral’ reasons

Wall to wall 90s Europop and mullets

‘Hilarious’ wardrobe malfunctions

So much fake tan your TV smells of biscuit

Bald men flicking their hair

Four years of your life, wasted.  (And we’re only halfway through counting the votes)

No losers!

Well, except the music. Oh, and Norway.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *