Abuse is a very serious word. And it takes many different forms.
Information can be abused. So can rank, power and trust. Animals can be abused. So of course, can people.
Abuse can be deliberate or unintentional, sustained or temporary. It can be mental, emotional, political, corporate, institutional, sexual, physical, or spiritual. It can come from individuals or groups. It can even be self-inflicted. Whatever its shape, what do we do with its legacy? Is a Christian response different to that of the world?
These are bigger questions than a lifetime of blogging could hope to answer. But perhaps Selwyn Hughes helps us make a start.
Hughes argues that, in the secular model, recovery from abuse takes the form of three steps – self-discovery, self-expression and self-protection. Self-discovery is where the victim is encouraged to get in touch with their repressed emotions. Self-expression is the release and expression of those emotions. Self-protection is the establishment of boundaries around one’s life so that one will never have to experience or endure serious hurt again.
The biblical route to healing is, he argues a more difficult one. Whilst recognising that there is some truth in this strategy, it starts from a different base and leads to a different goal. It begins with this question: Do I believe that a God, who allowed me to be as deeply hurt as I was, is good? And it ends by asking this: Am I willing to give myself to those I am called to love and to be more concerned with loving well than protecting myself from hurt?
These are enormous, dark questions. I don’t pretend to be able to resolve them in a blog post. But one of the best resources I’ve listened to on the theme of recovery from abuse is ‘The Wounded Heart‘ by Dan Allender. The audio seminars are brilliant but pricey, (find them here).
Allender goes deep into the devastation of abuse but also testifies to the grace of Christ that is deeper still.
I’d be glad to hear of other helpful resources…
Gosh – I found ‘Wounded Heart’ incredibly helpful in my healing journey. When I re-read it later though, I thought the language was unhelpful unless you are an evangelical Christian, and that is a stumbling block.. Coincidentally, I am thinking about writing a series of posts on csa next week..
I read an insightful book called Forgiving the Impossible? By Greta Randle. She was sexually abused by her pastor. She writes about her life and what happened and about her relationship with God.
Thanks for your suggestions Han.
Lesley, that’s interesting that you found The Wounded Heart helpful too – though I hear what you’re saying about the language. I listened to the audio CDs rather than reading the book, which feels a lot less ‘churchy’ and I think the language reflects this too. I’d recommend the CDs for this reason and because I think Allender comes across far better in audio than print. Also, with the subject matter, the CDs go into a bit more depth, but you can pause them after each session so they don’t feel as heavy as a chapter might.
Looking forward to reading your posts on the topic this week.
Hi Emma. I’ve not read it, but a new book has been published recently called ‘Rid of My Disgrace’ by Lindsey and Justin Holcomb. Justin is a pastor at Mars Hill Church in Seattle, a church where many victims of abuse have been counselled and helped. It’s recommended by Ed Welch of CCEF.
Amazon link: http://www.amazon.com/RidofMyDisgraceHopeandHealingforVictimsofSexualAssaultRELitPaperback/dp/1433515989/?tag=theresurgence-20
Best blog post