Vegas? I’d Prefer A Cuppa

I’ve often wondered how it must feel to be spontaneous.  I’ve read about such creatures – even seen a few in action.  But I can’t pretend to understand them.  If you’re not sure what I mean, then either;

a.) You’re one of them.  In which case, congratulations and er – excuse me while I slowly back away.   Or,

b.) allow me to introduce you…

So.  Spontaneous People. If they’re not tweeting you from a mountain, they’re advertising tampax instead.  Even the men.  That’s how cool they are.  It’s  frightening. And it’s happening in your back yard.  As I write, one of those mad-cap scallyrags  is probably absailing into your bathroom.  Quick, go check..

But first – spot the signs…

1. Their Scent:  spontaneous people smell of confidence.  Also unicorn sweat and Lynx (Africa).  But despite this, they can be difficult to spot.  That’s partly to do with;

2. Their Plumage:  branded sportswear.  Not like your sportswear.  These bad boys still have their elastic.  And they’re not encrusted with old cornflakes and soup.

3. A distinctive call. Listen carefully as they swing past and you’ll hear something like this… ‘waheyheeeeey! Let’s just Do It!  Let’s go to Vegas/swim with cheetahs/wear sunnies and drive the Mondeo off a cliff/ leave the lid off the toothpaste’.

Of course this doesn’t bother me one whit. Yeah, whatevva, you crazy kids.   Tell it to someone who cares.

Occasionally  however, curiosity wins over reason. After a triple espresso and some red wine-gums, I decide some spontaneity  might even be a good thing. Do-able.  Maybe even fun. How hard can it be to relax? Just a question of – ouch – relaxing those shoulders and – ahh – remembering to exhale.

Right. Let’s do this thing.  Repeat after me, ‘Change is not really, really terrifying.   It’s Exciting’. Or at least, fine.  It won’t kill me.  I’m flexible!  Danger  is my  middle name.

So, Vegas here I come. Just give me a couple of minutes to write a note for the milkman.   And maybe some antihistamines. Corn-plasters, that’s a no-brainer..

Four hours later, I’m beginning to feel  spontaneous.  ‘Nearly there’ I trill, whilst hanging out the washing.  ‘Just hoovering the front room, don’t want to come home to a mess now do we?’

Honestly, I’ve almost started packing when I remember the cats.  For the rest of the year I’ll happily feed them sawdust, but all of a sudden I’m choked with love for the flea-ridden ferals.  I can’t leave my chiiilldreen.  Who’ll peel their prawns?  What if they choke on a hairball? No, Vegas will have to wait.

So you see, I am actually one of the Spontaneous People. Just this morning, I toyed with wearing my ‘Wednesday’ pants instead of my ‘Tuesday’ ones.  I KNOW! The moral is this. Not all of us need to advertise our zaniness. We can exercise it just as effectively from the comfort of our (neatly ordered) living rooms instead.  Now, if you’ll excuse me, those  pants won’t iron themselves.

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