Day in the Life

Perhaps you consider your family demanding.  But spare a thought for those dealing with requests from beyond the grave.  In China, manufacturers of  iPads are having trouble keeping up with demand. But these aren’t ordinary iPads – they’re paper replicas – just  one of a number of luxury goods which  are sent to the spirit world by being burned.  Jeffrey Te, owner of a prayer goods shop in Malaysia, says this:

‘Some of my customers have dreams where their departed relatives ask for the iPad2 – but I can only offer them the first iPad model’.

I read about this over breakfast and it makes me smile. Those crazy Eastern religions,  I chuckle.  So strange.  So primitive! I stir my goji tea with added antioxidants. Pour milk into the heart-friendly oatflakes. You’d think they’d learn.  Can’t take it with you, my friends. Can’t take it with you.

Mmmm that tea’s good.  Setting aside the paper, I turn to the mail.  Bank balance, check. Pension plan, check. Honey, have you topped up the cash Isa..? Honestly, someone’s got to plan for the future.  Play our cards right and in 40 years we’ll be merrily buggying across the golf course. Where’s my multivits?

Time for a shower.  There’s  an ad on the radio for a car that will ‘change your life’.  Yeah, right. Marketeers must think we’re stupid.

Pouring the pro-age, wrinkle-defying  shower gelee onto my natural sea sponge, I can feel my pores, firming and tightening. Oh yeah. What did women do before thermonucleic cell-rejuvenation?  Mud? I think again of those poor deluded mourners, burning gifts for their ancestors.  They probably wash with, like, soap and water. Madness.

Step out of the shower. Now, for my quiet time.  Urg –  I’m still trawling through Chronicles.  Will it. Never.  End.  I’ll skim the passage – that way  God is covered for the day. Two minutes and done. Where are we? – bad king, bad king, bad king.  Setting up more idols.  Yadeeyadeeyadee.  The Israelites are so stupid.  Imagine bowing down to a gold calf.  Like – duuur. There’s only one God.

Phone rings.  Arrgh – I’d forgotten I’d booked in a trip with the girls.  Off to Lakeside – five hours of glorious uninterrupted shopping. Hurrah! Nothing like a spot of retail therapy.  Wait till they hear about those paper iPads. Some people can be so blind.