All The Single Fellas

I’ve got a stonking female Christian friend.  Properly properly gorgeous – inside and out. I’d practically marry her meself. She’s sold out for Jesus, other-centered, humble, funny and a fox to boot.

She’s also single  and has been for a while.

But nothing’s happening. And it seems like the Christian guys around her tend to opt for one of two approaches.

They either:

a.) don’t do anything (even though they might be interested) or

b.) forge ahead, whilst trying to keep All (and I mean all) their romantic options open.

We women aren’t perfect. But here’s the thing:

Jesus picked out his bride, and moved towards her in vulnerability and strength.  He didn’t shrink back in heaven and he didn’t play the field.

I’ve been out of the dating business for some time – and guys I’d love to hear it from your perspective… But from where I’m sitting, too many sisters are getting squashed.











12 thoughts on “All The Single Fellas

  1. To be honest based on what you have said, that is partially true and that foundation cannot be set for every guy regarding the two approaches. But personally I am finding less christian girls who want to get married, more and more seem to want to focus on their careers and long lasting relationships not making an real committment. Regarding those guys who keep all areas open i would question them on who Jesus is too them and what their focus is.

  2. I’ve done a) and, to a lesser extent, b). Sorry.

    Of course, now being wise to this and ashamed of my behaviour, I’m in a time of my life, and place/community, where I can’t put that wisdom into practice.

  3. Bleh. Guys suck. And single guys tend to suck more than most.

    There may be a gender value thing here: there are guys I know who I think would make fantastic husbands – generous, loyal to a fault, intelligent, hard-working, gospel-minded and serious about following Jesus. But they seem to cut no ice with the ladies. The things we value in a potential spouse are often very different from the things valued by their peers. Which is almost certainly wrong – probably stemming from a view of marriage that values hollywood romance over friendship, companionship and growing together in Christ-centred love.

    It’s also an awkward subject – and we tend to make assumptions rather than ask questions. If I meet a girl who’s attractive and single my initial assumption (quite possibly wrong) is normally going to be that she’s particular and I don’t have a chance.

    And I’d be in favour of friends meddling in such affairs: if you know a guy who likes her, has a chance, but is showing about as much initiative as a sack of rice, why not give him a nudge?

  4. Some good points Geoff. There are loads of fantastic Godly single girls but they do give the impression of enjoying their independence and show little interest in finding a spouse so what’s a guy to do?! And, how to go about these things without wrecking great friendships?

  5. As a single Christian woman can I point out it’s not that easy to get the balance right. On the one hand yes I am eager to be married if that’s God’s plan for my life and to explore that possibility. On the other hand I don’t want to be one of those girls who is constantly complaining about being single and who seems to spend their whole time chasing boys. Ultimately single or married my contentment will come from God. What normally happens is I struggle on quietly trying to get the balance right and people assume I never want to marry.

  6. Thanks Si – I suspect there are very few of us who can look back over past relationships without any regrets.

  7. Hi Geoff – I agree. Sometimes instead of valuing godliness in itself, we can tack it on to a more worldly list: ie; Michael Fassbender with a Bible. It’s easy to just absorb our cultural values and baptise them.

  8. Frank – you’re right, the friendship issue is a big one – especially when you’re in a small group and everyone knows what everyone else is doing. Making a move in this context is taking a risk – especially when we’re acting more confident than we are. It’s a catch-22: we’re taught that neediness is unattractive, but can go so far towards autonomy that we seal ourselves off. What do you think would help?

  9. Thanks Alix – this is really helpful, especially the balance between holding out hope for a relationship and living life in the moment.

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