Safe in the Storm

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This week I forgot the gospel. Instead, I listened to old lies:

I’m brilliant. I’m terrible.  Everything is too much. I can do it all myself.

I went back to old idols:

I went  to bed instead of facing all my feelings. Then I leapt up and tried to prove I was worthwhile. Then my head exploded under the weight of expectation and I retreated back to bed. And then up I popped till it started again… zero to hero, with nothing in between.

I fixated on certain foods and brands of shampoo.  If only I could get the right balance of nutrients I’d feel much better.  If only I had the right conditioner I’d look great. 

I stockpiled groceries. I went clothes shopping. Something’s missing: I haven’t got enough. Quick, find the solution! Do something, anything to feel better:

I comfort-ate and went to bed.

I got my hair cut and looked into expensive skin treatments.

I cleaned.

I shouted at the cats.

I cleaned again.

I disappeared up my own belly-button and then I tried to go deeper. It was dark and airless and I choked on my own fluff.

I told myself I was doing fine.

I despaired because I was such a mess.


and then,

I gave up.


Instead of stuffing and spending and cleaning and sleeping and hiding and doing – I talked to God.



really slowly

I remembered the gospel.


I remembered I couldn’t make myself happy. Or good.  Or worthwhile.

I remembered I’m a sinner, broken and wicked.

I looked at myself and I looked at Jesus.  I felt ashamed.  And very tired.

Then I climbed into the Father’s lap and said sorry.  I’m sorry.


I let him take all the worry and all the guilt and all the mess.


I remembered that I’m loved.

I remembered I’m forgiven.

And I rested in Him.






4 thoughts on “Safe in the Storm

  1. I thought I was the only one who goes into such thinking. Like you I do not remember (temporary amnesia :) ) that it is finished. I am redeemed and free all I have to do is look up at the cross, at the perfected work and not within were a less than perfect mortal resides.

  2. So important to hear this message, when all the bad stuff inside us and all the world is telling us the opposite. This is what I want my friends and loved ones who don’t know Jesus to understand.

  3. Hi Julie – no, you’re not alone! Maybe we’re like Elijah when he reckoned he was the only prophet left but actually there were hundreds of ’em..

  4. Hi Ben – yes, I don’t know about you, but I find the gospel leaks out of me very quickly – I need to keep topping up or I start listening to my heart and my heart talks rubbish!

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