Charlotte Green has has been admitted to psychiatric hospital at least 14 times and has had anorexia since she was 19. Now aged 35, she would rather die than be resuscitated again or force-fed. Speaking to the Sunday Telegraph she said this:
“The only drive I think I really had was to be thin, and then to be ill for a really long period of time – now I don’t really have a drive to do anything. ..I’ve done everything that I wanted to do (and) I am quite happy to die now.”
No-one with an eating disorder sets out to die. To start with at least, they’re trying to live. But what begins as an escape, soon becomes a prison – and you lose the self you’re trying desperately to find.
…
I’m different. I can handle it.
I’m in control.
The bad things won’t happen to me.
I’m strong. I’ll give it a go – but then I’ll stop. I’ll be okay.
Hmmmm. This is kind of – good. It makes me feel powerful, strong. It switches off the bad stuff – at least for a bit.
A habit…then a compulsion.
I can stop – but I don’t want to. Not yet. Not now.
..
Not ever.
For help:
The Big House: www.thebighouse.org.uk: Christian organisation providing residential youth programmes on difficult issues young people face from a Christian perspective, as well as training and resourcing youth leaders. Website includes talks on dealing with self-harm and eating disorders.
ABC: Anorexia and Bulimia Care: www.anorexiabulimiacare.co.uk
National Centre for Eating Disorders: http://www.eating-disorders.org.uk/
Beat: www.b-eat.co.uk
Men:http://mengetedstoo.co.uk/
Parents and carer support: www.feast-ed.org