Muddling Through

503-happiness-cartoonIf you know something, but you don’t feel it, is it still the truth?

Example.  I’m depressed.  No – I’ll wrap it so you can hand it back:

I’ve been feeling a bit low.

See what I did there? ‘Been feeling’.  Past tense. Old issue. Better now.

‘A bit’.   Like milk in tea.  Manageable. Civilised. No real dilution of hope. No need to pour the whole lot down the sink and start afresh.

That would be silly.

It doesn’t fit. Lovely hubby, loving church fellowship, living in first-world comfort and (here’s the big gun), “Christian”.

Christians should be happy.  Or hopeful at least.  Thankful, even when they feel yuk. They keep on praying and keep on trusting and if they do then they will feel better.

God’s a triangle of love and I’m circling outside. It’s Salvation 101.

You are A Depressed Believer.  Are you:

a.) Not A Christian?

b.)  A Sinner Escaping Judgement By The Hair of Her Chinny Chin Chin? Or

c.) Doing the Hokey-Cokey of Very Little Faith.  One foot in, one foot out…

My brain’s a hole and I can’t make sense. Next question:

Where is God in This?

Wrong. This is not what I crammed for.

‘How can I feel better?’  That’s what the course is all about. Being happy. Feeling the love as well as knowing it.

Life and struggle and faith and God.

An endless, nauseating drop.

If you know something, but you don’t feel it, is it still the truth?

You’re dizzy with falling, but underneath

the everlasting arms.

The steps of a man are established by the LORD; And He delights in his way. When he falls, he shall not be hurled headlong; Because the LORD is the One who holds his hand. Psalm 37:23-24

The truth that’s bigger than the feelings.


12 thoughts on “Muddling Through

  1. i know all those feels. i think everyone gets times when all is lost and hope is gone, but i guess thats the point of church family, who are there to throw you a rope when you feel like the dark pit is too big to climb from, and they are there to remind you that god is there, and god loves you, no matter how you feel. jesus didn’t go, ‘dude, i’m just gonna die for the happy, for the healthy, and the wealthy. in fact during his life he purposly picked people from the bottom of the pile…the ill, the demon possessed, the lepor, tax man and prostitute. Its all about remembering that no matter how you feel, how bad things are, he is here to carry you to where the sun shines brighter, and our troubles seem lighter.

  2. I find the bit in Ps 63 that says “I cling to you, your right hand upholds me” reassuring. So often I’m just barely clinging on and I have to believe that even when I feel like I’m falling God’s right hand will catch and hold me. I long to ‘feel’ it and often feel jealous of people who Jesus seems to like more (because they appear to have such a closeness).

    I’m glad the truth is bigger than my feelings. x

  3. I can identify with this Emma. I felt like God said to me a while ago that some people just have a heavier load to carry than others. Whether this is depression or poverty or family breakdown or chronic illness, I guess the important thing is not to spend too much time blaming ourselves, as I don’t think God does x

  4. ‘Where is God in this?’ Not ‘how do I get better?’

    This is timely for me. I need to cling to this, this week. (By hook or by crook or the hair of my chinny chin chin…)

  5. Kerry – you’re right; church family is really important – especially as depression makes you want to pull away.
    Alice – I get that jealousy too! But I think most of us have at least periods when it’s hard; and the Bible is full of fellow strugglers, which encourages me.
    Ma Belle – that’s a great point. It’s tempting to transfer my feelings and self-hatred onto God; but He has set us free from guilt.
    Tanya – praying for you! (And sadly, it’s more than one hair on my chinny chin. Three! I nuke ’em, but they keep coming back…)

  6. I once was told I needed to pray more. Love the verse you chose. I need that verse this week. But what happens when it is the church that was the touch paper to your latest downward spiral, when you can’t stand church or the people in it, even though you’re still clinging on to God.

  7. I love that verse, Emma. Thank you.
    I am guilty of the “been a bit low” phrase too. My “been a bit low” means I am off to the doctors tomorrow, (at my husband’s request, nothing to do with me obviously) to “talk about it”. Eek!

  8. Littlemisshugs – I guess church is like family: it’s meant to be the biggest blessing, but because of this can also cause us most pain. But God places us in community: we’re united, not just to Him, but His body: other believers. I’m sorry you’ve been hurt – but don’t give up on church: we need it – and it needs us!

  9. I’ve been struggling a bit = I cannot cope and am falling apart.

    I’m good thank you, how are you? = automated response, not a real answer.

    I’m fine = f**ked up, insecure, neurotic and exhausted (courtesy of uni lecturer)

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