I’m a Lover Not A Fighter

loverTomorrow I’m giving an evangelistic talk at a women’s brunch.  Women (especially Christians) and  talks (especially evangelistic ones) scare me. As a result, I’ve spent most of this week:




On the plus side, I have  plenty of toilet roll and a bath that smells of Arctic Pine. My brain however is empty and a little bit sweaty. I turn to my husband for support:

‘Glen’ (says I ), ‘will you write and erm – deliver my talk?’


‘Glen’ (says I,  in my Most Dramatic Voice), ‘I can’t do this.  I have nothing to say.  Tumbleweed is escaping through my nose.’

I think about how this sounds.

‘Sexy tumbleweed’.

Nothing.  I’m getting nothing.

I roll on the floor and make groaning noises.  Still no response.  So I open the biscuit tin. A blur of movement.

‘Are those chocolate?’

‘Yes.   But you’re not getting em’ till you write my talk’.

‘ Have you prayed about it?’

‘Of course I have! Actually – no.’

We pray.

‘I don’t understand why I’m finding this difficult.  It’s just a talk.  I’ve had all week and look, nada’.

‘Sorry hon, I gotta go. Ephesians 6’.

There is nothing left to clean, so I wait till he’s gone and huff my way through the passage:

 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.  Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.  In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

This is not helping.

I’m a pacifist not a warrior. I’m low on faith and courage and peace and prayer and I don’t want to take on any scary powers. I have helmet-hair and cutlery  – but no sword and no helmet.  So what’s the plan now?

I return to the passage.

be strong in the Lord and His mighty power. Put on the full armour of God.

The Lord’s strength.

The Lord’s power.

The Lord’s armour.

He provides it and He fits it.  He fights the battle and he covers me. My role? Simply to ask, to receive and then – gladly – to tell.






10 thoughts on “I’m a Lover Not A Fighter

  1. He hasn’t yet given me my talk for sunday in the ‘kids slot’ and technically its meant to link in with what the kids are learning – God creates the animals. I mean what is there to say about that…oh and I’ve spent the day in bed cos I’ve got my second cold in 2 weeks.

  2. Looking forward to being one of the (hopefully not scary) ladies tomorrow with a group of friends. I’m sorry this has caused such angst. I will be praying. God is in charge of tomorrow, so you will say what He wants us all to hear.

  3. Just tell it how it is Emma… I’m sure people will be interested in your story. Would it help or hinder you to say I am coming along and meeting a friend who has helped me hugely over the past 7 months? She is also the lady who gave me your book…
    I could fling questions at you if you get stuck…?!!

    WS x

  4. Hi Ann, don’t mind me, I could generate angst at just about any future prospect! This is one I’m also really looking forward to. Especially knowing there’ll be friendly faces :)

  5. Emma – I’m off to try for some sleep now but if I manage to find my way there, I will bring a recording of some female evangelist like… er… how about Jackie Pullinger..? (evangelical people LOVE her) and you can just mime…
    And, for the record, you wouldn’t even normally catch me in a church cos I’m not really a great ‘fitter inner’ in church circles so not everyone will be scary…


  6. Yes, Ephesians ch 6 – great one.

    Be bold, Be strong for the Lord your God is with you…..was with you….past tense as its now 2.00 pm. I’m sure you managed very well.

    His grace is sufficient for our every need!

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