If Life Was An 80s Pop Video

bonnieWoke up this morning feeling sad and blue. It’s raining in my heart because my baby left me.  Can’t blame him  – he’s been working nine to five and he drove all night to get to me.   I look longingly at the empty pillow and wipe away a single tear, before pausing by the wind machine. With only an L-shaped sheet to protect my modesty I look wistfully at my enormous cleavage.  Perhaps I’m thinking about breakfast: we’ve got 12,000 rose petals, but no Weetabix.

I pad towards the bathroom, skirting the ice-sculptures.  We don’t own a toilet, but there is a foam bath and a hall of mirrors. Brad’s thoughtfully lit candles throughout our disused warehouse loft apartment and His toothbrush is still wet.  I release a second single tear and stroke the Colgate. Damn, I love how he flosses.

Cut to the living room.  Outside the sea is crashing over the garden, but I’m not afraid.  It’s Wednesday and Brad never forgets to empty the bins. I choke up, thinking about him separating the recycling.  Every time he does, it feels like the first time.

Our Ferrari is parked just across the lawn but the drive-way’s obscured by dry ice.  Nothing for it, but to run through the sprinklers, laughing like a gibbon. In the distance a keyboardist is standing in a poppy field playing with one finger. I watch Brad getting in to the car with a litter of puppies. He’s all the man I need and nothing will ever tear us apart. Nothing except the Ferrari exploding (in slow motion). I sink to my knees and do my onion face, (but in a sexy way).  It starts raining because I am Very Sad.

It’s snowing but I don’t feel the cold, which is why I’m wearing my underwear to a funeral. I throw some flowers in a vase against the floor to show I am Upset. It’s the instrumental section, so I stare into the middle distance for a bit and think about dinner. I remember Brad’s dead and I can’t live without him but I’ve been on my feet all day and I could murder a Big Mac. Time for me to tear up some photos and throw them on a bonfire.  There are tears in my eyes. From all the emotion.

Fade to white.

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