Give It Me

let me getIt’s easy to ricochet between extremes.  If I get X, my life means something.  Without it, I’m junk.

A friend longs to meet someone special and settle down.  Without a partner, she’s convinced she’s strange and unlovable. If she could just meet someone right – things would fall into place.  She’d be validated and finally she’d fit.

Another measures her value against her weight. Since having a family, she can’t fit into her old clothes and she feels frumpy and unattractive. If I can just lose a few pounds she murmurs, I’ll get back my confidence. I won’t feel depressed.

‘Ladies’, I declare, topping up our rose.  ‘Let it go. You’re perfect as you are.  Having a partner won’t fix things and neither will changing your shape’. A pause as we meditate on the peanuts and my enormous wisdom.

‘What really matters is having a baby.  If it doesn’t happen I’m not sure how to cope’.

If I get X, my life means something.  Without it, I’m junk. Either things are ‘right’ and work out according to (my) perfect plans…or they’re ‘wrong’; because if I’m out of control then God must be too.

These desires aren’t necessarily wrong.  There’s room in our faith for genuine, biblical grief; mourning over the good gifts we want but don’t have. But how do we feel the thing without being crushed by it? How do we affirm our desires without letting them control us?

There are no easy answers, but perhaps these are baby steps in the right direction…

be open to God saying ‘no’ and ‘not yet’ (even though I really, really want it)

be willing to consider life without these things – and take my grief to Him

remind myself of who He is. This is not a weird test or God taking a power nap.  It’s my loving Father working out what will bless me most.

look for the ways in which Christ is present right now – in my singleness, in my unemployment, in my childlessness. Thank Him for these things.

seek out opportunities to serve and bless others from where I am, not from where I want to be.

stay open to hope by placing it in the one person who won’t disappoint.



4 thoughts on “Give It Me

  1. Lovely…reminds me of the present my friend gave me today…a picture of a lady dancing with the words…”Life isn’t waiting for the storm to pass…it is about learning to dance in the rain.”

    Thank you once again for your posts. I heard someone say recently that people are blessed most by your weaknesses rather than your strengths, thank you for sharing your weaknesses so we can identify with you and know we aren’t alone, but be inspired by your words.

  2. I fixate over the first.

    I want a partner, I want somebody else in my life to share it with.

    But I have a plan. When I am all sorted with things and have a bit more £ in the bank, I might just go for it and adopt….

    Then someone who needs it… really needs it, gets to receive the love I am so eager to give. Biologically it may be another’s, but emotionally they will be mine and I theirs.

    Whether it happens or not is something else. My plan and God’s plan are very different, so we shall see what happens ultimately.

    Until then – I will whine about being a single, daydream about sharing moments, dream about relationships and weddings. I prayed about it – nothing happens – angry prayer – still nothing. So back to fantasy land it is for me.

  3. L2F – that’s a lovely picture. Reminds me a bit of the woman in proverbs who can laugh at tomorrow.

    T&R – I’m sorry it’s so hard. Glad we’ve got a God who can cope with our angry prayers – and who gets what it is to be human in all the yearning.

  4. Hmm… I have a husband, children, a business, and I fit into all my old clothes. Yet, many days I also mostly feel lack. I sit empty, or wander about aimlessly, groaning for more. More what? Patience, gratitude, perspective, maybe more time to enjoy my life?

    “Excuse me Lord, but I need to point out something. You’re just not giving me all that I want. It’s pretty good, sure, I know, but… something is still missing, something’s not right. Perhaps you’re making a mistake somewhere. Perhaps you got me mixed up with another lady, gave me her wish list instead? I don’t remember asking for this life, not really cut out for all this, see? So, if you’d be so kind as to get it straightened out in the very near future, I would really appreciate it. Thanks. In Jesus name…amen”

    He has already proven Himself completely trustworthy, and still I wallow in doubt and fret that He’s not doing it right. As if He doesn’t quite get it and needs my input. Ridiculous. Thanks for this post Emma. Praying for you, and me.

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