I’ve got laryngitis (which is definitely only meant for opera singers), so am swaddled in a duvet with the cat. Turns out I’m rubbish at being ‘sick’. That’s because I have things to do and it’s all in my head and nothing a good brisk walk/mug of chicken soup/lemsip and lucozade won’t fix. I’ve told my body this repeatedly, but it’s not co-operating. Plus, Glen’s morphed from good nurse cautiously suggesting oranges, to evil nurse threatening drastic sanctions if I leave the sofa.
I hate being still. Psalm 23 might appear reassuring, but there’s a steely undertone to ‘He makes me lie down’. We design our lives so we don’t have to face ourselves or our mortality – but sometimes reality grabs you from behind when you least expect it.
We’ve had a few appointments at the fertility clinic recently and they’ve been hard going, with more to come. It seems like if we do have a baby, it’ll be against increasing odds. That’s not to say it won’t happen, but well.. y’know. I’ve also been putting on weight, which is good, but the new body takes a bit of getting used to.
Busyness is a neat way of negotiating emotional rocks, and when that’s gone, it’s hard not to stumble. So I’m cracking open the emotional toolbox and putting some of these bad boys into action:
1. Prayer. What I mean by this, is not the kind of prayers I imagine other people do: twirly and selfless and focused and the right mixture of thankyousorryplease. Just very simple ones: a sentence, or maybe two. ‘Dear God, this is all a bit tough. Please help’.
2. Oranges. I don’t care what ails you – emotional, mental, physical whatever – there’s nothing a satsuma can’t sort. (And Berocca is no substitute).
3. Sense of humour. Life is not ending, even though it’s tricky. Cats do the darnedest things. Husbands can be relied upon to gag when you smuggle vegetables into their gravy. If your humour is failing, borrow one from a friend. Or watch other people getting rained on – cheers me right up.
4. Psalms. I love ’em. Like Bible Eastenders: you’ve got weddings, funerals, pub fights, music, office stress, break-ups, make-ups and dangly earrings.
5. Friends. Totally indispensable.
…What have I missed?