Fifty Shades

Extremes are enticing.  But mid-points, halfways and grey areas … can go suck eggs.

Life’s too short to live on the margins, right?

I want it all!.. NOW. Or just forget the whole thing.

I’m a winner! Number one! … or  I’m nothing.

I’m a victim!…or it’s all my fault.


This is how my mind naturally operates.

From reverse (itsalltoomuchIcan’tcope) to fastforward (gogogodoityourselfandyouknowitsdoneproper)

Extremes feel good.  But here’s where such thinking can take us:


Starving and stuffing (too much versus too little).

OCD (control everything and stick  to the routines  or Something Terrible Will Happen).

Depression (I’m not sick I’m ‘lazy’…there’s no help and no hope and it’s all my fault – so I may as well give up).

Anxiety and panic attacks (if X happens it will inevitably lead to Y and then I’ll feel this and then this will happen and ohmygoodness I can’t breathe).

Self-harm (keep it in, keep it in, keep it in …ohh I’m overwhelmed, must get rid of these feelings, only one thing will help)


Middle ground. It’s sticky and uncomfortable and it feels …wrong. But it’s also the place where truth and grace can coexist. And I reckon it’s the place where you do recovery too.

the little steps that add up.

Letting others in. Speaking to one person. I’m finding things difficult. Can we talk?

Making one change.

Instead of cutting myself, I’m going to go for a walk.

Today, I’ll get dressed.

One meal where I won’t make myself sick.

I’ll make an appointment to see the GP. I’ll write down what I want to say.  And I’ll take a friend so I don’t back out.

I’ll leave the house without double-checking the locks.


Forget monochrome thinking.  It’s a new season, and colour, my friends, is IN. But don’t panic.

Colour is where we’re aiming.  A new life that’s vibrant and exciting and risky and bold. But that’s an awfully big jump from black and white. So, just for today –  let’s start with the greys.







5 thoughts on “Fifty Shades

  1. I definitely go from one extreme to the other. I go from –

    Sleep til lunch, afternoon nap, not gunna leave the house, don’t wanna eat/cook, rain and overcast skies


    I am going to do this and that. I am going to go and away to here, then here, then there. Clean the flat after all the lazy days, cook, organise, plan. Sun shining, rainbows…

    The grey areas are when I am at work and I have to be the same everytime. If it’s a good day it’s moderated but shown, if it’s a bad day the mask goes on – happy, bubbly, must not fall over the edge….

    Sound familiar

  2. Is it wrong that I read this entire article, nodding, then got to “I’ll leave the house without double-checking the locks.” and my eyes went all wide and I got palpitations?

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