Guilty Loves


Me: I’m going to do a post about fancying Darth Vader.

Glen: Do you fancy Darth Vader?

Me: Of course.

Glen: With or without helmet?

Me:  Either. Both. I’m not head over heels. But he’s better than Luke.

Glen: Skywalker?

Me: The light side is just not attractive.

Glen: Why did we get married?

Me: It’s a total joke. Not us – the light side. Think of it from the woman’s perspective. Camping with ewoks. Dinner conversations about womp rats. Light sabre left lying around for guests to trip over.  I have no desire to wear a gold bikini or twist my hair into ridiculous bagels.

Glen: You realise that Leia was his sister right?

Me: Whatever. I don’t need rescuing and I don’t need a well-meaning crusade against evil.  All I want is an empire of wipe-clean steel, a man who’s honest about wearing his mask and home in time for supper. Is that too much to ask?

Glen: [A minute of stunned silence]  Darth. Vader.

Me: Cupid’s arrow strikes where it may. I’ve fancied worse.

(Exit Glen)

…and it’s true.  There have been Many Others.

Faceman from the A-team.

Michael Portillo.  (IknowIknow.  No words.  Moment of TOTAL madness – long before I heard him speak).

Paul Hollywood (and his filthy way with dough)

Javier Bardem in Skyfall

Guilty, guilty loves. Tell me I’m not alone.




20 thoughts on “Guilty Loves

  1. No, you’re not alone.
    I know exactly what you mean.
    But, I DID want to look like Leia when I was little.

  2. is glen scrivener your dad – he sometimes comes to preach God’s word at the church i go to – Mount Pleasant Baptist Church in Swansea?

  3. I had a bit of a crush on Eric from the children’s cartoon Dungeons & Dragons – he was the grumpy one who was always complaining (!)

  4. My 5 year old would be totally with you, btw – he watched Return of the Jedi for the first time and I caught him wiping a tear from his eye when Darth Vader died. Sweet.

  5. Nothing wrong with Paul Hollywood and his ice blue eyes and filthy way with dough!

    Nick Stokes from CSI – the man has a cube for a head, but it’s never going to put me off.

    Oh, and, Aladdin, but only the Disney one!

  6. I have a crush on Glen Scrivener. Don’t tell him.


    Darth Vader is nothing.

    I have had at least a passing fancy for nearly every male I’ve ever met or heard of since I was a wee lass, with a few extreme exceptions. Some lasted a mere split second but still…I think maybe it’s an Eve complex…I don’t know…

  7. Hey Katherine,

    Looking forward to being with you again at Mount on June 30th. (Emma will be there too.)

    In the meantime, I’m gonna invest in some serious anti-ageing creams. Though you’d never know it, Emma is actually older than me!


  8. Birdbrain – I can see you with the bagels now..

    Katherine – Glen is my hubby – but this has provided us with the biggest belly laugh this year. Literally crying – thanks :-) !
    Caroline – hands off (he’s too old for you..and me)

    Alice – accents are sexy. And Van Dyke does have a certain chimchimmineee

    Cassie: I too was in love with Eric. No shame my friend.

    Julie: I’m afraid I prefer the Genii: pecs of steel.

  9. LOL!!! This post and all the comments are hilarious!!!! I am afraid Emma, this is where we part ways. Darth Vader? Really?? I can’t believe it. Han Solo – yes. Darth Vader – a big NO!!!
    Glen and Emma – you are in Swansea on 30th June!? Awesome! I live in Swansea too!

  10. Alison – I see the Han Solo thing, really I do. But think it through. Vader doesn’t expect you to laugh at his jokes, is totally committed to his work and has a uniform that doesn’t need ironing. He doesn’t call you ‘sweetheart’ isn’t in some weird bromance with a Wookie and most importantly doesn’t wax his chest and then get it out at every available opportunity. Cheap my friend, cheap.

  11. Haha! I suppose Han is a stuck up, half-witted, scruffy looking nerf herder. But I’m not budging….it’s just wrong! I’d go for Luke any day – he’s the hero! It’s a no brainer! What’s wrong with the nice guys??? (Plus…I like ironing)

  12. Actually, you know, why not just go for Chewbacca? He’s faithful and low-maintenance! Sure, a bit hairy….but at least he doesn’t think he’s the bees knees….AND he can fly/fix space-ships pretty well!! OOOH – and no ironing! That ticks your boxes!

  13. Murdock from the A-team. (I know!!) Then I met this boy who, I thought, looked like Indiana Jones (with glasses) so I married him instead.

  14. I’ve always liked a man with a rug, but Chewie is pushing it. Think of the shampoo bill.

    Mad Murdoch eh? Controversial..and yet..

  15. Ha ha! I suppose Vader is better than Jabba the Hut! I thought Luke was a bit wet. Actually, I thought I could do a better job of jedisavestheworld. (In my head) Also I loved Han. And Face. And all Doctor Whos. And whilst everyone who watched Twilight were either Team Jacob or Team Edward, I was the only Team Charlie (you know, Bella’s Dad). Ah Charlie – sullen, sarcastic – my kind of guy!

  16. Oh Cassie yes David baddiel in his mary Whitehouse days, also Rupert Graves and Julian Sands in A Room with a View. Darth I don’t get but when I 6 or 7 I thought Luke was it -my best friend Sarah and I would go to ballet (for Emma in the Brookbourgh Hall on the Sandown Road) with our hair in do-nuts and we were gutted when we discovered that Luke was her brother. As a grown up I watched it and thought “How did I miss Han???????”

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