Apples Aren’t The Only Fruit


Just wondering:

1. Have wild horses stopped anyone, ever, from doing something?

2. Why do sleeping dogs get to lie? What about cats who’ve worked the night shift? Or hamsters, knackered after endless circuits on those bloomin’ wheels? Similarly, spring chickens.  What if you’re an autumn turkey?  You might as well be dead.

3. Have you ever been touched by a barge-pole – let alone touched anything with it?

4. If he really is the last bloke on earth, you’re not in a position to be choosy love.

5. Apples and pears – stairs. Why not melons and guavas – palavers? Gojis and mangos – quangos? It’s the 21st century peoples.  There’s no room for fruit discrimination. Similarly humble pie.  Humility is dry enough without adding a layer of shortcrust. Put it in a smoothie and neck the beast.

6. Horses for courses.  What does this even MEAN?

7. Blood is the same consistency as water.

8. Why don’t we give people we like hot shoulders? See also cold turkey.  I’d like mine room temp.

9. Have you ever  bitten a bullets, kicked a bucket or shaken a stick?  Really?

10. Before 9am, both sides of the bed are wrong. And finally:

11. Beggars can be choosers.  I offered one a tuna sarnie and he said he preferred chicken.


6 thoughts on “Apples Aren’t The Only Fruit

  1. This made me giggle. especially “beggars can’t be choosers”. Have had the same experience and felt quite embarrassed. Silly me! offering a Macdonalds meal to a vegetarian!

  2. Brilliant! I’d dispute no. 3 though, as I’ve had the joy of fishing a coat out of a canal with one…

  3. Learnt what kicking the bucket meant at about 7 when my brother kicked one we had on the stairs to catch drips from a leaky roof… “Mum, Rob’s kicked the bucket…!”

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