Call Your Mother: She Worries.

mumMy parents are off to Barcelona for a few days, so I phone to wish them well.

Me: ‘Hi mum. Just phoning to wish you a safe journey.’

Mum: (choking over her words in excitement)’ WELL. Safe is the word. Apparently Barcelona is a CRIME CAPITAL. Your father had no idea when he booked’.

Me: ‘Don’t be silly: The Spanish probably think that about Belfast’

Mum: ‘I’m not joking Emma. We are extremely worried. I’ve been grinding’ (she grinds her teeth at night when under extreme stress)

Me: ‘Dental erosion is probably as deadly as muggers. Are you wearing your mouth guards?’

Mum: ‘Your father doesn’t like them’

Me: ‘It’ll be fine. You’ll get there and have a lovely time’.

Mum: ‘I’m worried we’ll get our wallets stolen. So I’m not going to take money’.

Me: ‘Are you bringing magic beans?’

Mum: ‘Apparently every person who goes to Barcelona gets something stolen’

Me: ‘I’m sure that’s not right’

Mum: (rustling as she consults Daily Mail) ‘It is; it says in the paper.’

Me: ‘Well, if you stay in your hotel room you’ll be ok’

Mum: ‘Yes. That might be safest … (sighs). We could pack a bum bag. But it might make us stand out.’

Me: ‘If Dad’s wearing his holiday shirt, I wouldn’t worry about the bumbag’

Mum: ‘Leave your father alone. Not many men can wear those colours’

Me: ‘None.’

Mum: ‘It’s a very serious problem. Crime. Especially in Barcelona. (Lowers voice in case the cats hear) Apparently they target couples having sex on the beach’.

Me: (shaking head to dislodge a terrible mental image)

Mum: ‘They crawl under the sun loungers when the couples are – you know – and then they take their bags.

… Your father and I are very worried’.

Me: ‘If you get anything stolen I don’t want to know’

Mum: ‘We’d only have ourselves to blame’

Me: ‘I have to go now.’



7 thoughts on “Call Your Mother: She Worries.

  1. That. Is. Brilliant. And someone did try to mug my mate Al when we were in Barcelona. And Al is 6’5″ and big with it. It was quite amusing.

  2. I’m laughing so hard, I’m crying! Great start to my day! THANKS!!! …Praising Him on this blog :-)

  3. I just spit cupasoup at the computer. Emma, much as I love you, it’s possible I may love your mother even more. Is that bad?!

  4. Awesome! Lol :D)))))

    No, we were pretty safe there. It’s an incredible place, and stunningly beautiful, with so much to see and do. It’s lovely :-)

    Aw Emma, I Just LOVE your blog xxx

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