Relationship wisdom that isn’t actually true

kiss1. there’s one special soulmate out there for you and when you meet them you will both just KNOW.

I reckon there’s probably lots of folks out there you’re compatible with. (And by compatible I mean stuff like: not already married, loves Jesus, doesn’t repulse you, not a relative etc). You have a soulmate and it’s Jesus.

I also think that most of the time, love looks nothing like what we see on TV.  It can grow out of friendship; it waxes and wanes and sexual attraction can be one of the last things to fall into place (and you might – gasp -have to work at it). Loving other people does Not come naturally.

2. marriage/family life looks like your/your partner’s parents.

Nope.  Sure, take the good stuff and learn from them, but you’re starting a new unit, which means you don’t have to do things like you knew growing up with, (especially important when you’re from different backgrounds and have different parenting/no parenting models ).

3. men love sex and women aren’t really bothered.  Women love hugs and cuddles and guys are uncomfortable with public displays of emotion.  Women want babies and guys can take or leave them.

Reverse these.  Equally true.

4. When things get hairy in your relationship/marriage, you should jump ship. If you regret your marriage, you’re in the wrong one. No-one else has the problems you’re going through. Your spouse is the problem.

Nope.  There are cases where, for your safety, you might need a break. But in general, the grass is not greener, many people feel like they made a mistake and the problems you’re having can be worked through. Most often, the problem is not your spouse: it’s you.

5. Marriage stops you being lonely.  

No. Marriage is a gift and it does offer companionship: but an unhappy marriage can be the loneliest place on earth.

6. If you’re not in a romantic relationship you’re only part of who you’re meant to be.

No.  It might feel horrible: and it might be a grief you find heavy to carry. I’m sorry. But you are not part of a person. You’re a blessing to those around you and you are whole.

7. You’re not complete until you’ve…gotten married/had a child/started your own business/fallen in love etcetc.

See Jesus. Lived more fully than everyone else.






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