Comparisons are an unavoidable part of life. They start from the moment you’re born.
“Who does she take after?”
“Ooh, she’s got her dad’s nose/mum’s temper.”
And on it goes…
“How old is she? Is she walking yet? At her age, our Jimmy could somersault.”
You try to resist them. You brush them off.
“Ah, she’ll do it in her own time.”
But like dust, they settle. The doubts and the shoulds…
“She should be crawling.”
“She should be talking.”
“We should be worried…”
But what’s the standard for a human being? What’s normal? What’s okay? And according to whom?
What happens if they fall short? Are they a failure? Or somehow worth…less?
If they don’t see the world like other people. If they struggle to make friends. If they’re too quiet or too loud. If they take up space or ask for too much.
If they don’t know how to talk about their feelings. If their words come out as wounds. If they’re scared by things that others find easy.
If they’re uncomfortable to be around. If they’re not what you expected.
If whatever you try, they won’t be fixed.
What then? Do you shout or plead? Do you blame yourself? Do you put them somewhere where you can’t see them or try to take them back?
Do you talk to them; or about them? And if so, what do you say?
“If you only tried harder.”
“Why can’t you sort yourself out?”
“I don’t know what we did wrong.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“I love you; exactly as you are.”
We can’t smooth out the lines in other people. We can’t fix them or change them or make them happy or “normal.” We can want them to be a million different wonderful things – but it’s not what they need.
They need to know that it’s okay to struggle. They need to know that there’s not one shape for “good.” They need to know they’re loved and there’s a place where they fit. Not when they’re successful or smart or pretty or sexy or normal. Right now; exactly as they are.
We love, because He loved us first.
(1 John 4:19).
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“What happens if they fall short? Are they a failure? Or somehow worth…less?
If they don’t see the world like other people. If they struggle to make friends. If they’re too quiet or too loud. If they take up space or ask for too much.
If they don’t know how to talk about their feelings. If their words come out as wounds. If they’re scared by things that others find easy.”
What happens they don’t have a university degree? If they break a teaching bond? What if they somehow or another fall prey to a mental health condition? If they struggle to converse at gatherings because talking to family and friends is too overwhelming & sensory overload makes their head spin, their ears ring. What if they’re momentarily unemployed, & their qualifications seem irrelevant to the jobs available in the market right now – but oh, having mental health issues is yet another unneeded disadvantage. If they’re in young adulthood & still struggling precisely to talk about feelings, because in childhood they were led to realise that certain feelings are Bad and are better left unexpressed. What if .. as a young adult they’re still afraid to pick up calls from unknown numbers? (It’s a legitimate thing lol – #phoneanxiety!)
Do they then still matter, and will they still be worthy of love? (But what if they don’t think so, even if God says they are?)
Also, this is either a brain intrusion (Emma! Stop spying! xx), or an inner child that was too insecure and afraid to grow up – then what?
Whatever happens – and whatever they face – they still matter – and they’re still worthy of love.
It’s not about what they think or how they feel – it’s about what Jesus has already done. True for me sister; and true for you too.
<3 well this stubborn (if only immensely insecure) heart cannot bring herself to emotionally accept that, even as sufficient people have said the essence of these words, that she intellectually understands it already. :-(
Haha you'd think she'd agree with the words of an outsider who unlike family/friends, has no reason to sugarcoat reality .. (yup I hang on to that, there's always a possibility that people who know me are trying to make me feel better abt myself)
Meanwhile, I'll take these words & chew on them – perhaps over time they might emotionally make sense one day (but not yet ..!) xx