It might be an out and out addiction. Or a habit that’s becoming something more. Either way, it’s got you – and here’s what it whispers…
1. I can’t do it.
– Yes you can. But see point 2…
2. I can do it alone.
– You can’t – no-one can.
3. It’s gonna be easy.
– It may well be the hardest thing you’ve ever done…but also the most worthwhile. Long-term, the alternative is much, much harder.
4. It’s not worth it.
– Worth what? Your relationships? Your health? Your finances? Your future? Your identity? All these things are in the balance. So yes, it’s worth it.
5. Now’s not a good time.
– Tomorrow is harder. And the day after that, harder still.
6. Nothing and no-one is more important than my issues.
– They’re important – and you’ll need lots of support and understanding. But that doesn’t give you permission to act like a jerk. In fact, the mindset that says there’s only you and your pain, is part of the problem.
7. It should be instant and dramatic.
– It may well be – and if so, praise God! But it’s more likely to take time and sweat and stumbles – battle by battle, step by step.
8. Someone will come and rescue me if I just wait.
– The Lord will strengthen and empower you. Other people will help carry you and cheer you on. But it will never be a case of just lying there and waiting till you feel better – you gotta fight too.
9. If I stumble, I may as well give up.
– No – this is part of moving forwards. Those mistakes are a chance to regroup, learn and adapt.
10. I’m the exception. I won’t get addicted / harmed / found out.
– That’s magical thinking. The rules apply to everyone: even you.
11. My problems only hurt me.
– Our problems cloud our perception – so we can’t trust ourselves. You are almost certainly harming others. And even if no-one on earth knows or cares, Jesus does.
12. It’s shameful to ask for help.
– It’s brave and praiseworthy.
13. I’ve mucked it all up too much to go back.
– Never.
14. I’m too successful to be addicted.
– You can be high-functioning and still be in danger.
15. Getting better means getting rid of all my problems.
– No – but it means you’re working on what really matters.
16. I have to be perfect whatever I face.
– No – that’s Jesus. But He’s working in us, whatever we face.
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Love this Emma. Thank you.
Number 9 is the one I struggle with most:
9. If I stumble, I may as well give up.
– No – this is part of moving forwards. Those mistakes are a chance to regroup, learn and adapt.
It takes a lot of maturity to see the moment of relapse (and the thought process that comes just before a relapse) as our very best chance to learn more about ourselves and our particular journey with God.
Unfortunately, maturity is in very low supply! So community becomes an essential element in staying in recovery. We lend to each other the bits of gold from our collective experiences, and everybody wins. Standing together we become stronger, smarter, and harder to trick with all these lies.
As a young friend confided to me recently “I think about it, and then its like, well that’s the same as doing it, so you might as well go ahead. So I do.”
I asked her if she believed that was true for me too. That thinking and doing were the same. “No.” was her instant answer.
For her, relapse followed relapse like beads in the chain of a very long necklace, looping back around and starting again, there was no way out. Ever. But for me she saw a clean slate. Enough victories made relapse appear as the ridiculous option that it always is. It did not seem the same, because she could see my choices. They seemed clear, distinct. Which is true.
I promised to believe the truth for her just as she believed it for me. And together we can believe it for others.