yesterday we got to the final stage of round 2 ivf. They collected a load of healthy eggs and as before, we opted to fertilise two (and put em both back if they ‘took’). Embryologist was confident both would fertilise and we’d then go to the two week wait to see if they’d implant.
This morning we got the results.
‘I’m sorry’ they said. ‘One didn’t fertilise and the other is abnormal so we won’t put it back’.
‘Ok’, we said. ‘What do you mean by abnormal?’
It’s got an extra set of chromosomes. Which means it’s a triploid. Which means that although it’s alive and fertilised, it will die either in the womb or just after birth. (The longest a triploid baby has lived (after birth) is 10 months, but the majority miscarry at some stage in pregnancy).
We thought about it. We cried about it. We prayed. We cried again.
The reason they don’t put them back is because they’re gonna die – it’s just a question of when.
If we had a 12 week scan and were told the same thing, we wouldn’t abort.
If we believe that life begins at fertilisation then those cells are life and that’s our child.
We went back to the clinic and explained our position. They called their legal team and HFEA. Called us back. Consulted some others. Called us back again.
To them it’s a crazy decision: and I can see their point.
This is not a value judgement or a statement on what is or isn’t ‘christian’ and I’ll punch anyone who says the issue is clear-cut. Just because we might differ from other folks, doesn’t make us ‘right’ or ‘wrong’.
But for us:
– if that fertilised egg was normal, we’d put it back. And if we had a terminally ill child, we wouldn’t leave it. We explained.
‘Ok’ they said. ‘If the egg survives the weekend, we put it back. But there’s a 100% chance it will die – in the womb or out.’
Today God gave us our heart’s desire: a child. But that child’s really sick. We don’t know if they’ll live days or months. We don’t know if we’ll see them this side of heaven.
We wait. And then we take the next step.
We know that God loves us and He loves this child. But it’s hard – and I’m soft.
25 thoughts on “Hard Day”
You are such an encouragement. Thank you for sharing this. You’re absolutely right. It is heartening to see someone take God and truth and love and personhood taken seriously and with true respect. Thank you!
Thinking of you so much. Sending love and standing with you xxx
You will be in my prayers.
Oh, Emma and Glen, it makes my heart ache for you. I know you probably don’t want advice, but may I commend this blog: http://theworksofgod.com/ – a wonderful blog about God’s work through disease and disability. I am praying for and thinking of you. X
May God bless you in this absoloutely right decision….praying for strength and peace for both of you….
No words, but prayers. Xx
oh my lovely. I cannot imagine your anguish nor will I pretend that I can. You are loved. God is good. Jesus is our rock. That is all I know. Lots of love and prayers x
Emma and Glen, there is a tear running down my face now. You are incredible and so is He. x
Oh Emma, I am so sorry to hear this. I have tears in my eyes. Praying for you and thinking of you lots x
Emma and Glen,
Tears and prayers today with your name on them from all of us Mc’s today..
Just for the record, of all the parents I’ve known who’ve lost babies, (in or out of the womb) I have never heard one express regret for a single moment spent with that child.
Our babies died too early to know the sex, so we named the first Wee and the second Tiny. It seemed to help for them to be named.
The Lord God remains our Sovereign, Mighty God. I don’t know what else to say but thank you for sharing this. I will be praying for you both.
Praying for you guys. Xx
Much love and prayers x x
Thanks for your willingness to talk about all of this. Praying for you.
What Caroline said was beautiful. Rest easy, for God will have set the decision by Monday x
Oh, that’s so hard. I almost want to say don’t put yourself though this, but I kind of want to say it’s not your decision anyway, if God’s given him/her to you. Oh, but I’m so torn. Not easy. Not easy at all. May God bless you in your decision making and your stand for what is right.
You don’t know me, but I’m praying for you all. x
Emma, it is beautiful what you are doing, CHOOSING LIFE. The rest is in God’s hands. I don’t know if you heard about the Gianna Jessen’s powerful testimony. You never know how beautiful can turn around this painful, difficult moments of yours. I would do the same, even in midst of tears and uncertainty.
I have got a close friend at home, whose daugther was born with a rare heart disease. The doctors said the baby has got her days numbered. Her mother couldn’t accept it and cried out to God day and night. God listened her cry. Today the girl is around 16, beautiful and healthy.
You are asking the right questions, and being entirely consistent with your (in my opinion correct) view of God-given life. Most people would shirk this issue, would not ask the scary questions, would not want to take the risk, would make excuses. You are facing this head on. I’ve thought these words often about you, ‘Those that honour me, I will honour’. He will. It may hurt beyond anything you can describe, but He will honour your faithfulness and obedience.
Thanks for your honesty and willingness to share your lives , Emma and Glen. You may or may not know it, you are discipling individuals, families and communities. May God give you His strength in your weakness. xxx
Praying for you – those seem like very small words, but the God we’re talking to hears and loves, and that’s something.
If the egg had fertilised in your womb, you’d have carried that child and prayed for it and loved it for as long as God gave you. I know you’ll do the same for this one.
Emma, I read your blog via Kath C’s blog. Thank you for sharing so honestly your walk. Praying as others are for you as you honour life that God will honour you both through the joys and pain in the months ahead. We carried two little ones within but whom we never got to hold without. God knittted them for His purpose and they are His and ours. And like someone else said we too named them. Praying for those in the medical world who will hear of God because of your walk.
Thank you so much for your comments and prayers x