Along with being anxious, I’ve got a gift for being defensive. You should try it. With a bit of practice, it’s remarkably easy to take everything personally. And if you’re really focused, you can jump to the worst conclusions in a matter of seconds. Here’s some things that help:
1. Come out with all your guns blazing. Do not listen. Do not allow for explanations. Think of every time this person has slighted you in the past. If you can’t think of any, then remember, they’re probably silent assassins. This should make you really…
2. Angry. Anger is your friend. It gives you energy. This means you can keep shouting, long after everyone else has stopped. If you feel it waning, stoke it. Kick something inanimate, then focus on the pain.
3. Say ‘don’t take this personally’. Now, be personal. Think about what you most dislike in the other person and then tell them. Suggest ways they can change and give examples from your own life.
4. Expect to get everything you want. Don’t settle for less.
5. Hit ’em with a one-liner:
- That begs the question.
- That is beside the point.
- You’re being defensive
- You’re being an idiot
- Are you stupid?
6. Laugh and roll your eyes
7. Correct their grammar
8. Claim to have God on your side.
9. Tell them you’ve won. Repeat.